Thursday, February 02, 2006

A Sign?

A week between postings could be a sure indicator of me falling off the wagon. Thankfully, that's not the case, just general chaos this week in the office. Sorry. I've done pretty well this week, I've only slipped up once and that was indulging in a Starbucks pastry my brother brought home Tues. (it was a cheese danish - my favorite and the death of me). Other than that I've been a good girl, mostly sticking to soups for lunch. I've been slipping on eating breakfast yet again, but I had my oatmeal this morning, and a lean cuisine meal for lunch. Dinner will probably LF chicken enchiladas. I've exercised thrice this week, and I'm going to try to do some cardio tonight, since I slept in and missed workout this morning. I'm really craving chocolate, but so far I've not given in. If I do it'll be dark chocolate. I think I've gone 4 weeks without a soda. Granted, I'm not a cola drinker, but I've been surprised at how carelessly I'll drink one and not even think about it. My pants were slipping today, which is kinda cool in an uncool way. I'll have to belt them next time in order to not embarras myself.

I really like fruit juice and I'm beginning to realize that I am going to have to watch my juice consumption. As good as juice may seem fo the body (and it is), it is a lot of sugar and a lot of calories to be wasting on 8 oz (when you are dieting). I've been slacking on my water intake this week and I'll be stepping that up today and tomorrow.

Lastly, if you like cheese and you like to snack, but both can be hazardous to your diet, I've found that buying wheat melba toast and Laughing Cow light swiss cheese spread is perfect. It's a low fat, low calorie substitute to cheese and crackers and it far from depriving. I highly reccommend this.

Thursday, January 26, 2006

I hate being sick...

The flu has turned into a sinus infection, but I think I'm almost over that. Is there anything worse than a sinus headache? Ouch. Anyway, I'm doing poorly on my eating - I've had coffee in the mornings followed by nothing all day (my stomach is still tore up and yes, no taste yet.), and then I'm eating past 6 or 7 pm which is a big no-no in dieting. It's been a hit or miss with my dinner meals, and I think I've justified eating whatever because I've gone all day without eating (bad idea!). I have a feeling I'm not going to be losing much this week, if anything at all since I've been told my weight loss from last week was probably fluid. Oh well. I'm back on track today though - coffee and a pear this morning, I'm having soup and applesauce for lunch and I'm planning veggie stir-fry for tonight.

I'm really not going to attempt to exercise this week either. I can't breathe properly and I'd hate to pass out at Curves, although that woud be funny. I can just see it:

*Brooke faints at station #3*
*Curves employee runs over in shock*
Lady #1 to Lady #2: "Wow, she must have been 'pushing it'."
Lady #2: "I guess. Hey, I wonder if she's doing the new celebrity diet."
Lady #1: "What's that?"
Lady #2: "No food, followed by intervals of crack and 2 workouts a day."
Lady #1: "That would explain it."

Quick plug: I'm not a big proponent of fashion magazines, but I've subscribed the "Shape" for the past 6 months and it is a solid fitness magazine. There's rarely "faddish" dieting suggestions or unrealistic body expectations. I've clipped out several "how-to" exercise articles. Now all I need it one of those ginormous workout balls.

Monday, January 23, 2006

Orgasms and UPS

I found a cure for emotional eating. Emotional shopping. Specifically emotional shopping at It's makeup. And not just any makeup but wonderful expensive cosmetics. I cured my blues with a blush and lipgloss duo by Nars called Orgasm. Which may make it a bit uncomfortable when my mom tells me she loves my lipgloss and asks what color it is. I also bought a Smashbox cream eyeliner set. They came via UPS today. So instead of being addicted to food I'm going to be addicted to shopping and the UPS guy.
I guess you could say the UPS guy gave me Orgasms.

I lost one friggin' pound. I'm happy for Brooke and oddly jealous of her flu/coldlike symptoms. If only the internet were contagious.

I scrapped the pasta salad for tonight and am having chicken salad with egg whites on a bed of organic romaine lettuce.


8 lbs!!!

Now I Get It...

I've never really understood eating disorders. I've had my share of binges before, but I chalked that up to a owning southerners eating sensibilities rather than a disorder. That and I really like chocolate. But anorexia and bulimia were 2 things I just couldn't wrap my brain around. There is nothing worse to me than having to throw up, let alone having to stick your bony finger down your throat after every meal to do so. And then starving yourself? Fasting is one spiritual discipline that I hate doing, but when I hit the 3 day mark with no food, I'm not much good to anyone.

But I'm going on 5 days of having no taste. Nada. Zip. In fact, stuff just tastes plain bad. Since my sense of smell is gone, I don't crave anything and eating is neither enjoyable or fun, because I LIKE TASTING MY FOOD DAMMIT! So skipping meals or entire days with nothing but water and gatorade has been shockingly easy. It hasn't been intentional - the flu makes me queasy and what's the point of eating if there's no joy of taste! *sigh* Then, out of curiosity, I woke up Sat. morning and decided to weigh myself. After I initially stepped on the scale, I wiped my eyes and got off because I had evidentally stepped on it wrong. Try again. Wait, that's the same number. Ok let's move the scale, because something is OFF. Same number. Is this digital scale not working? One more time. Same EXACT number. Hold on. EIGHT POUNDS is not possible. I barely exercised. I was SICK! 8 flipping lbs. THERE IS A GOD!!! The euphoria was blissful. I called people. I posted on the msg. board. WHEEEE! Then it hit me - this is why these poor girls starve themselves. The euphoria, the sense of accomplishment, the pride in oneself, the lighter feeling of weight gone. Oh joy! Today, I've eaten nothing - not because I decided to, but because the mucus draining into my stomach and out of my nose just leaves me with no appetite. I know, strange.

The sad thing is, the longer I go without eating, the easier it is. It's the same thing with these girls - their stomachs have shrunk and they've forgotten to notice the hollow feeling their stomachs emit. And when the scale stops moving, they feel fat. The sense of euphoria has vanished along with their supposed "progress". I imagine if I lost my sense of taste permanently, I'd be a skeleton too.

Back On The Wagon

Well, I'm back on the wagon. I've done fairly well today.

Oatmeal - 240 cals

Cinnamon Bread and Butter -250 cals

(I know this looks like two breakfasts well I guess it is two breakfasts)

Lunch -
Busy Busy Busy
Snickers Marathon Energy Bar - 220 cals

Late afternoon snack -
Orange - 50 cals

so by dinner i will have consumed less than 800 cals which leaves about 600 for dinner. I think i'm making pasta salad with veggies, lite dressing and grilled chicken.

Friday, January 20, 2006

So I'm feeling better...

After two days of a persistive fever, chills, body aches, sore throat, and congestion I think I'm turning the corner of this flu bug. I haven't been this sick in years. Looking on the bright side, I've consumed copious amounts of water, vitamin C, various herbal remedies and almost no food for the past 2 days. If that doesn't flush out my system and cause weight loss, I don't know what will. I'm going to try to eat tonight if my onery stomach will let me. Maybe I will meet my 4 lb. weight loss goal this week.*

*This post by no means advocates the celebrity starvation dieting schemes. Nor does it indicate that the Crack diet of many starlets is in any way appealing. It only states that if you are sick and queasy, not eating is perfectly acceptable and if that happens to coincide with weight loss goals, then so be it. /disclaimer

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Emotional eating and YAY BROOKE!!

you did great today, Brooke! I'm so sorry that you're sick. I need to edit my entry. I caved into my kids cries for fries and took the mcds. I suck. Oh well tomorrows another day. I'm realizing that I'm a total emotional eater. I really really really really really miss Brad today. I've been on the verge of tears all afternoon and in tears this evening. This is so hard at times. Anyway - Brooke you're doing really well. I just prayed healing and blessings over your household. We will do this.

Not a good thing...

As the day wears on the more I feel like someone stuffed me into a punching bag and told the boxers to have a free for all. Yuck. My throat is killing me and I feel like a dead rat crawled up in there to boot. I have a flippin' earache and it's throbbing so much that I'm getting sick of hearing my own heartbeat. I'm praying in the name of the sweet Lord that this is some sort of detox that I'm going thru, rather than a raging cold. This may have been prompted by my near panic attack at 5 am, and the undue stress caused by a nightmare here at work. Or so I hope. Those things I can conquer, a cold- not so much.

I haven't blown it today. Still under 800 cals at 4:30 pm. yay me.

Small Cinnamon Dolce Latte (nonfat)
Lowfat Granola Bar

3 Twizzlers

Progresso Italian Soup
Veggie Juice

Whatever the hell I can grab while running out the door on the way to church

This is not a happy day. :-/


Now that I've said my piece. Diet wise I've done ok.

Breakfast -
Oatmeal 240 cals
Black tea 0 cals

Snack -
Orange 50 cals

BK Tendergrill Chicken Salad 350 cals

Apple 50 cals

London Broil
Steamed Asparagus with Olive Oil and Lemon
(shocked I can cook?)

I've got to get more organized in my meal planning. Strike that I just need to be more organized. (PERIOD)

I'm really grouchy because of my lack of caffeine. REALLY GROUCY. Like hide your pets grouchy.

BTW, I got the sweetest email from my hubby today. I love him.


Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Day 2

I'm going to go out on a limb and say weight loss is 90% attitude, 10% action. You know how when you don't eat enough calories your body slips into starvation mode? Well, the moment I say the word "diet" my brain goes into deprivation mode. Everything I see from Day 1 of a diet, my brain pathetically informs me I can't have it. The fact is, I didn't want it before my diet, but now that I'm on one my brain throws a daily pity party bemoaning its lack of "choices". Bull. The grass is always greener, you want what you can't have etc etc.... It's all phsycological. And this time my mind is just not going to win.

I really think cheat days/meals are designed for people who need to change their lifestyle - dieting never works in the longterm, habit changes do. Sticking with a restrictive plan indefinitely is next to impossible, but sticking to a restrictive plan with light at the end of the tunnel is. If I crave something all week (like the Cinnamon Dulce Latte for instance), I can go to Starbucks, plop down my $4 bucks and order a tall. On Sunday, that is. And that is only if I'm good all week. It keeps me motivated to stick to my eating plan, and it gives me something to tell my FAT brain when it's harping on its latest craving. Sunday, Sunday, Sunday!

I was weighed and measured this morning at Curves. That was depressing. But I did do my fasted cardio. Boooyah!

Meal Plan For Today

Protein Shake and a lowfat Granola Bar - check!

Mid morning Snack
Banana - check!

Vegetable Soup
100 Cal. Snack Pack Cookies
1 Orange

Afternoon snack
Tomato Juice

Eggplant Parmesan
Steamed Veggies
Wheat Roll
(didn't do it last night - too tired so we had Lean Cuisine Dinner instead)

Monday, January 16, 2006

Fasted Cardio

I really hate it, I must admit. There is something wholly unnatural about dragging my non-caffeinated, half-awake hiney to the gym to workout at 7 am. I like my java a lotta and I feel deprived without the surge of dark brown bliss that enters my veins as I start my workout.
No pain, no gain right?

I spent 2 hrs on Saturday meal planning for the next 2 weeks. I have a feeling I'll be sick of salads by that time and I'll need to be a bit more creative with my lunch ideas. I do love spinach salads though. This is one thing I got hooked on when I was doing that damn Atkins diet (only a man can eat meat 24/7 and like it). I'm neither male, nor a big meat eater, so spinach salads with cheese became my lunch staple. For non-spinach lovers, the fresh "baby" spinach is the best - it's not at all bitter and you'd really never guess you were eating spinach.

Here's my menu for today, and I nailed breakfast so I'm doing well so far:

1 c. Oatmeal with 1/4 an apple, a tsp. of light margarine, 1/4 cup milk and a dash of cinnamon
Coffee (I let it get cold and I didn't drink it. yay me!)

Mid morn. snack (currently eating)
1 Banana

Progresso Vegetable Soup (yeah it's high in sodium, but at 2 g. of fat and 200 cals- I'll take it)
V8 Veggie Juice

Afternoon snack
Yoplait Fat Free Yogurt

Eggplant Parmesan
Steamed Zuchinni
Wheat Roll